Dating Roundup #12: Sex and Violence

2023-08-29 · Source: Don't Worry About the Vase · Field: Science & Research — Social Sciences & Behavioral Studies, Mental Health & Psychological Support, Research Methodology & Innovation · Depth: Intermediate, extended

Summary

This analysis explores various reasons individuals might be single, focusing on sexual compatibility, BDSM preferences, and the effort required for fulfilling sexual experiences. It highlights the importance of developing skills like kissing and engaging in "deliberate practice" for improvement. The content also delves into sexual compatibility, suggesting early testing is crucial for long-term monogamous relationships. A significant portion discusses BDSM, presenting Aella's theory of it as an independent sexual orientation and citing studies suggesting practitioners, especially dominants, exhibit healthier psychological profiles. The author emphasizes that achieving "sexual greatness" or successful polyamorous dynamics, including consensual non-consent (CNC) events, requires substantial logistical and emotional work, challenging the notion that spontaneity is effortless. Finally, it touches on the complexities of polyamory, including "solo polyamory," and the value of events like Slutcon for skill development and fostering open communication in sexual dynamics.

Key takeaway

For individuals navigating modern dating and relationships, you should recognize that achieving satisfying sexual and relational outcomes often demands significant personal investment. Don't assume spontaneity; instead, actively cultivate communication, self-awareness, and practical skills. Consider exploring non-traditional relationship structures or sexual preferences with an open mind, but be prepared for the substantial logistical and emotional work required to make them successful and avoid potential pitfalls like misaligned expectations or neglecting partner needs.

Key insights

Fulfilling sexual and relational experiences require deliberate practice, self-awareness, and significant effort, challenging notions of effortless spontaneity.

Principles

• Sexual compatibility is crucial for long-term relationship success.
• BDSM preferences can function as an independent sexual orientation.
• Significant effort and planning underpin "spontaneous" sexual experiences.

Method

Achieving "sexual greatness" involves extensive research, skill practice, logistical planning (e.g., STI risk, background checks, event design), and continuous learning about human sexual psychology to fine-tune experiences.

In practice

• Seek deliberate practice and feedback to improve kissing skills.
• Test sexual compatibility early in serious relationships.
• Explore BDSM if inclined, as it may improve mental health.

Topics

• Sexual Compatibility
• BDSM Dynamics
• Polyamory
• Consensual Non-Consent
• Relationship Effort

Best for: General Interest, Domain Expert, Entrepreneur

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Editorial summary, takeaway, and curation by AIssential. Original article published by Don't Worry About the Vase.