Courts To Ban Guilty Verdict As It ‘Upsets’ Criminals

2026-04-01 · Source: Artificial Lawyer · Field: Legal & Regulatory — Criminal Law & Public Safety, Regulatory Affairs & Government Relations · Depth: Fundamental Awareness, short

Summary

The UK Ministry of Justice (MoJ) is satirically depicted as implementing a ban on "guilty" verdicts to prevent "emotional distress" among criminals, a move championed by Max Feelgood, Director of Judicial Improvement, as part of a justice system modernization project. Under this new system, judges would only issue "Not Guilty" or "Not *Really* Guilty" conclusions, aiming for a "happier, more just system" where criminals are paradoxically viewed as "real victims." This policy, which a fictional survey claims is supported by 83.5% of incarcerated individuals, is presented as logically leading to the elimination of prisons, courts, and police, thereby generating significant government cost savings. The article humorously concludes that while this approach might result in anarchy and the "end of civilisation" due to unenforceable agreements, it promises widespread "happiness" and substantial taxpayer money reallocation.

Key takeaway

The UK Ministry of Justice proposes banning "guilty" verdicts, replacing them with "Not Guilty" or "Not *Really* Guilty" to prevent emotional distress for criminals. This initiative, supported by 83.5% of incarcerated individuals, aims to modernize the justice system by eliminating the "negative approach" of guilt. The logical progression of this policy would lead to the eventual abolition of prisons, courts, police, and lawyers, promising significant cost savings and a "kinder, more empathetic" society.

Topics

• Ministry of Justice
• Guilty Verdict Ban
• Justice System Modernization
• Criminal Welfare
• Judicial Process Reform

Best for: Legal Professional, Policy Maker

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Editorial summary, takeaway, and curation by AIssential. Original article published by Artificial Lawyer.